


Blur

by babyunyun (taeilnism)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Doyu, M/M, Melancholy, Mentioned Lee Taeyong, Mentioned Moon Taeil, Mentioned Qian Kun, Mentioned Seo Youngho | Johnny, Nakamoto Yuta-centric, Old Friends, Old Lovers, Short One Shot, beach, drunk yuta, sober doyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-13 01:29:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20165896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeilnism/pseuds/babyunyun
Summary: Yuta feels that he will never have anyone capable of loving him or that he will be able to be happy with someone after Doyoung left before he could confess his love. A night of existential crisis causes Yuta to meet Doyoung again and discover that he was wrong.





	Blur

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my first language so sorry for the mistakes.  
I posted this au on twitter and now I decided to post here, hope you enjoy it.  
inspired by the song Blur - Mo feat Foster the People.

Yuta felt his head buzzing and the noise of the place was muffled, looked to the side and saw Johnny and Taeyong laughing at something that Taeil was talking about but for him there was no sound coming from their mouths and the various doses of vodka was probably already beating in the door of his head and he was getting drunk and soon he would be with head tucked into the toilet putting all his dignity out. That night he had agreed to go to a closed pub near the beach with his friends to celebrate Taeyong's trip to London to study dance and the engagement of Johnny and Taeil, but only Yuta was feeling out of orbit with so much going on at the same time.

He thanked that the pub was a street before the beach and that he could walk there to get some air just to try to catch the air in her head.

''Nayu, is everything okay?'' Johnny asked, placing a hand on Yuta's shoulder, which answered only by shaking his head.

"I think you're getting drunk," Taeyong said, almost sticking his face into Yuta's, and Taeil took his arm lightly with a worried look.

"Let's go home." Taeil, who was the eldest and shared the apartment with Yuta, spoke into his ear.

"I'm fine, I just need some air" Yuta replied and opened the wallet taking a cash note and handing it to Taeyong to pay his share of the bill and left trying to get permission for people dancing around.

Nakamoto Yuta was someone that everyone liked to have around and not only by radiant smile, red hair and eyes that said much that no one could decipher, but for being someone who was ready for any adventure, any conversation and any situation. He was the soul of any circle of friends, but Yuta felt alone most of the time and blamed himself for not knowing how to say how he felt and for thinking that probably all his fears and insecurities were something so banal that would fill the patience of any person.

Anyone except Kim Doyoung.

Yuta stepped out of the pub and hoped that none of his friends would be after him because he wanted to be alone and try to put his sense in place and felt a little selfish for not being close to his friends that night of celebration and was afraid that they thought he would be jealous but Yuta would never envy the happiness of the people he loved, contrary, he was happy that finally Johnny and Taeil would be together and Taeyong would fulfill his dream but the redhead felt that never he would feel that euphoria or perhaps he was not worthy of his own happiness.

He walked down the sidewalk toward the corner that would take him to the promenade leading to the beach promenade, with every step there seemed to be something on his neck pulling his head down. He felt so pathetic when he got drunk that he did not even know why he did it since the humiliation always came after he ended up in the bathroom sitting on the floor crying and saying that he loved all his friends and that always made him think of Doyoung.

Yuta stopped waiting for the signal to close so he could cross when he felt a hand on his shoulder and lifted his arms.

"You can take it all" he said, not believing that he would end up robbed that night.

''Including you?'' the voice answered and he could recognize that voice anywhere.

Doyoung stood behind him with a smile on his side and as perfect as the last time Yuta had seen him. His black hair was drained, his white blouse without any kneading, and the same scent Yuta always missed every day in the two years he had not seen him.

''Doyoung'' Yuta just mumbled trying not to look so drunk. Doyoung was the first friend Yuta made when he moved to Seoul and was his first love too, but the redhead never had the courage to declare himself to the other and only his pillow knew of his whining for Doyoung.

He was the only person Yuta couldn't hide anything about, he was the one who could read his eyes and understand his boring jokes and when Doyoung left for the US with his boyfriend Kun, Yuta decided to keep distance from Doyoung until that platonic love pain pass. 

The problem is that it never passed.

''Come on'' Doyoung said crossing the street taking Yuta out of the trance and making him follow.

Yuta just followed behind Doyoung in silence watching the boy sit on the sand unceremoniously getting dirty and turning to him inviting him to sit beside him and that's what Yuta did.

"You look terrible," Doyoung said. ''How long do you swallow frogs?''

''A long time, maybe the frogs already have children here inside me'' Yuta replied with his eyes closed feeling the sea air beating on his skin and concentrating on the noise of the waves.

''Yuta, as always keeping everything to yourself.'' Doyoung said pulling Yuta's hand to hold intertwining fingers in his ''Why didn't you answer my messages?''

"A lot going on," Yuta replied, not wanting to engage in any conversation at the moment, but knew that anything Doyoung said could be the trigger for him to explode.

''I missed you'' Doyoung's voice saying that made Yuta open his eyes and feel his body start shaking and he wanted to say that everything was fine, that he would be fine and that he didn't need the worry from Doyoung or anyone because it would be a waste of their time that Yuta didn't want to make them lose.

''Yeah, me too'' Yuta replied feeling the drink wanting to come back through his throat.

''I'm here now'' Doyoung said softly now realizing that Yuta's eyes were shining with some tears.

''It is? I think it's just hallucinating my head from having drunk too much and the medicines I took during the week. The last time I checked you were in the US with your perfect boyfriend Kun.'' Yuta spoke and looked at Doyoung letting a tear run down.

''Kun was never my boyfriend, Yuta.'' Doyoung said wiping a tear on Yuta's face. “I was expecting someone else to become my boyfriend, but unfortunately it didn't happen.''

''Sorry'' Yuta answered and lowered his head feeling dizzy.

"I hoped you would become my boyfriend, Nakamoto." Doyoung said ''But it seemed that it was not reciprocal and the opportunity to study the two years in the US appeared and Kun had also been chosen so we approached since we would be foreigners there. He was never my boyfriend.''

If Yuta was already feeling pathetic that night it just sank further into his urge to run home and get under the bed or lock himself in the bathroom until he vomited his brain. The silence that remained between him and Doyoung lasted a few minutes until the black-haired boy approached Yuta even more and put his arm around him and let Yuta cry all that was trapped.

Yuta felt at that moment with Doyoung's arms around him for the first time saved and protected after so long feeling he was wandering aimlessly and his scent mixed with the scent of the sea seemed the antidote to her drunkenness. The tears kept coming up and down Yuta's face making him a little breathless and Doyoung began to mutter that it was okay to cry and put out everything he felt.

''I still think you're not here'' Yuta said sobbing and tasting vodka in the mouth mixed with tears and Doyoung laughed.

''Of course I am. I saw you at the party with your friends, but when I was going to talk to you, you were leaving the pub and I followed you.'' The black-haired answered by wiping Yuta's tears.

''Ah'' Yuta answered and smiled.

''I like you, Nayu. I love you, to be honest, so I came back to sort out this situation that I have with you, but Jaehyun decided to bring me to this pub with Ten and how lucky I found you.'' Hearing those words coming from Doyoung's mouth, Yuta felt his heart beating again and felt that perhaps the universe was showing him that he was worthy of receiving something good in his life.

''I waited for you to say that for so long'' Yuta replied ''But now I don't know what to answer...''

''Okay.'' Doyoung gave a sad smile on his side.

''I'm drunk, Doyoung, let's talk about this tomorrow or the day after when I'm not hung over but...'' Doyoung laughed at Yuta's answer.

''But?''

Yuta reached out to bring his face close to Doyoung's and kissed him.

"But you can take me home and sleep with me." Yuta replied with his forehead glued to Doyoung's eyes closed and Doyoung smiled.

''Sure. I'll make you a hangover soup like before'' he replied and Yuta felt he could actually breathe at that moment.

Finally feeling safe and knowing that even if he was a grown man and had a financially stable life and a good job and had incredible friends there would always be a time when he would need someone to love. Not in a dependent way, but there would be times when he just wanted it to be something mutual and peaceful. A love that took him out of that twisted world he lived in, and Doyoung was the person who would color his half-gray life.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/kuncat) or [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/yunyangs) <3


End file.
